Recently this
blog paid appropriate homage to America’s CEOs, who, if you’ve been paying
attention, were compensated last year at the respectable average annual salary
of $10.8 million dollars. (CEO’s of an S+P 500 corporation make them look
like fast-food workers, taking home an average annual income of more than $15 million in 2006: http://www.aflcio.org/corporatewatch/paywatch). That's 411 times as much as the average worker, up from
107 times in 1990 -- and a mere 40 times in 1975! Some
of you might think that’s a bit excessive. Others may think it’s
greedy, bears no relation to performance, and that their enormous compensation
reduces corporate profits and your shareholder dividends. To the untrained eye, it may even appear that the
primary task of America's CEOs over the past three decades has been their own enrichment. And you’d be
right!
But that view isn’t
just
myopic, it’s short-sighted. America’s CEOs are paid so much because they
are powerful, superior and important. Yes, they are all those things because of the jobs they hold and the compensation we give
them, but this is
no place for a chicken-and-egg conundrum. Have you stopped to consider
that CEOS are so highly valued not because of their performance, experience,
cronyism, amorality, or even their superior attributes as white middle-aged
males -- but on the sheer merit of their title? Let's break down what it
means to be Chief
Executive Officer.
The concept of
CHIEF goes all the way back to the Indians who, long before we begrudgingly
agreed to refer to them as Native Americans, practically invented the hierarchy
most corporations favor today: The Chief (boss) gives the orders, the
warriors (workers) do the work and battle the other tribes (corporations), the
squaws (squaws) scurry and fetch and respond to the needs of the elders (sexual
harassment). The tribe grows corn (product), builds teepees (vertically
integrated conglomerates), and loses their property (starter homes) in exchange
for worthless beads (ARMs) to white traders (predatory sub-prime
lenders). But even when his land is stolen and people slaughtered, it’s
the Chief who’s
in charge!
As for EXECUTIVE,
one need look no further than the ultimate boss for example: the
president of the United States. As “Chief Executive,” his
amazing powers include the ability to make executive
agreements (not subject to pesky Senate approval), and issue executive orders (a rule or order, however inane, that
becomes law). He enjoys executive privilege (the right to refuse accountability),
and may even attend executive sessions in the Senate (closed to the public,
while these superior beings decide that which is good for the rest of
us). EXECUTIVE! Just the sound of the word is enough to generate
goose-bumps, if your flesh can stop crawling long enough to feel them.
OFFICER:
Quick, in your favorite classic TV show, who’s the most trustworthy man on the
block? That’s right, your friendly police OFFICER.
Sheriff Andy Taylor. Jack Webb. Muldoon and Toody. Those
of you who grew up watching WPIX in New York during the ’70s will recall that
only Officer Joe Bolton had enough authoritative gravitas to host The Three
Stooges. If you can’t respect the superior authority of the police
OFFICER, I’m not going to argue with you; but let me also point out that
“officer” has the word “office” in it, and leave it at that.
Chief.
Executive. Officer. When did three little words ever sound so sweet?
